Yamanaka Ino (Iris)

They had left more than a week ago for home and they still weren't there yet.

In fact, they weren't anywhere near home given that they were currently being chased by a giant gummy bear that was half the size of a skyscraper. And Gaia had some monsters--even some jelly-like monsters--but nothing like this.

The fact that the rest of the world also seemed to be made of various types of gummies was honestly making getting away more complicated than it would be usually.

"Next time you suggest a detour, I'm going to tell you to shove it where the sun don't shine!" she snapped at Reno. "What's our portal ETA?"

Reno was, honestly, a little less than thrilled with this situation, himself. His EMR had been broken in the woods, which meant that running was about the best he had at his disposal until he could get back to Gaia and pick up the parts he needed to repair it with. Still, even if he did have his baton, he probably wouldn't have been able to do much against this.

"Fifteen minutes, yo," he called back, ducking under a piece of debris that was just as gummy as everything else. Running was not a great time, here. His feet needed to work much harder for purchase on the gelatinous ground. "An' just think, Rookie! Tseng thinks he's gonna follow our trail, he'll have plenty of fun here."

Tseng was the boss because he was good at his job, not because he was capable of superhuman feats. Unless his aim counted. Gummyzilla here would be a bigger challenge for him than it was for either of them, if following their trail involved any manner of actually literally doing so.

Despite herself, and her very confused feelings on Tseng these days, Ino burst out laughing, stumbling as she lost her footing briefly on the gummy ground. A dab of chakra kept her from actually falling, but her laughter was still bright and a little breathless.

"Do you think he’d actually go himself?" she managed because, sure, she could stay mad at Reno or she could just… enjoy the ridiculousness of the mental image of Tseng making it through this world. "I’m thinkin’ Cissnei and Rod, yo! Or maybe Adrian!"

"Depends how he's feelin' about potentially sendin' the others out free in the multiverse," Reno chuckled, keeping a careful eye on her when she stumbled. "Maybe he'll send my Rude an' Rosa, yo. They're the ones who know our heads best, ain't they?"

She got her balance back easily enough, in time to have to dodge around—she was pretty sure it was supposed to be a tree but it was all gummy and droopy to the point where she wasn’t sure—and had to shake her head.

“What, your Rude? He ain’t gonna rat you out!”

"I dunno, yo." Reno jumped, clearing some lumpy thing that he suspected was meant to be a boulder with relative ease. "Maybe he'll send baby Rude instead. Or baby Reno. That'd be friggin' hilarious, actually. I hope he sends baby Reno."

“Gods, I want to see that now. It’d be amazing!”

Could they rig up a camera to get that on film? Probably not, but it was great to think about.

Behind them, there was an absolutely horrific grinding noise.

“Uh—did you see anything that could make noises like that?” She hadn’t.

"Noooooo," Reno replied, grimacing. "Count of three we both look?"

Gummy candy did not grind. That was not a thing it was made to do.

Admittedly, gummy candy was not supposed to be alive or murderous either. Still, grinding was… a cause for concern.

“Guess we’d better,” she said, “if only to see what we’re running from.”

Next time, she was picking the place.

“One…” and another leap over a gummy blob, “two…”

"Three," Reno barked, and spun on his heel to see a--

"Oh shit," he supplied. The gummy bear had stopped in its tracks as something that looked suspiciously like a jet plane descended upon it, shifting and grinding and rearranging itself to grab onto the large thing. "It wasn't chasin' us, Rookie. It was runnin'. From that."

The gummy bear howled in rage and pain, and the jet latched tight onto its back, slowly changing to envelop it in some sort of horrifying winged armor.

"Odds the big metal airplane thing ain't from around here?"

It looked like a frickin' WEAPON.

They were probably fucked.

"I ain't takin' those odds," she said, looking and wishing she could unlook. "Not even a little."

[NFB, yo. Cowritten with raspberryturk and to be continued in the comments on the most SPiest basis possible.]